Selfish Pain
by ioanhoratio
Summary: Danny and Lindsay deal with the fall out from Pay Up.
1. Chapter 1

Selfish Pain

By: ioanhoratio

Spoilers: Up to Pay Up

This is going AU to Pay Up. Everything happens the same except the final 10 seconds (sorry…did my eyes just roll? Yeah, I kinda think the whole thing at the end a little silly and unnecessary. It was already a pretty powerful episode. Eddie Cahill was absolutely amazing. Arg. O.K. rant over. Anyway this starts as everyone is leaving the bar…unharmed.

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Stella could see the conflict in Danny's eyes. He would glance at his close friend at the bar and then look back to his wife. Stella knew Danny wanted to be there for Don but also knew he needed to get his wife home to their daughter. Stella turned and also looked at her dear friend as he took another long pull of his beer bottle. Her heart ached and she fought the tears. She made eye contact with Mac. She communicated her intent with a slight head nod. Mac immediately understood and with the ease that comes from years of friendship and care moved in to help as well. He walked over to Don as Stella made her way over to Danny and Lindsay.

"Hey kiddos," Stella opened.

"Hey Stella," Lindsay quietly replied.

"Listen, Mac and I are gonna make sure Don gets home safe. Why don't you two go ahead and head out. Go see that beautiful baby of yours and kiss her silly," Stella prompted gently as she placed a hand on Danny's shoulder.

"Are you sure?" Danny asked as he looked into Stella's eyes and saw what she was trying to do.

"You bet," Stella gave Danny a small smile and then leaned in for a hug.

"Thank you," The younger man softly spoke. He watched as Stella turned and gave Lindsay a hug. As soon as they broke apart Danny reached out and again intertwined their fingers. They hadn't let go of each other's hand since they had arrived at the bar. He could sense a deep pain in his wife that stemmed from more than losing a friend today. Danny was so tired of the pain. He had seen his brother Louie a victim of a violent crime, Adien had died at the hands of a rapist, Don had nearly died in a bombing, Stella had to murder her boyfriend in order to save his own life, Hawkes' girlfriend had been violated and demeaned by a stranger, and then there was Lindsay. She had witnessed a terrible thing and carried the weight of it in her soul. Now Jessica Angell's life had been taken because of greed. All that pain—

Danny was pulled from his thoughts by a gentle tug on his arm. He looked up to his wife's face. He could see she was quickly losing an internal battle. He hated that look in her eyes. It was the same look she carried just before she left for Montana to testify. The look she had when they were dealing with the Suicide Girls case. She wasn't just trying to hide her pain. She was trying to keep from drowning in it. It was time to get her out of there and back home.

Danny kissed the back of her hand and asked, "Do you want to go talk to Don before we leave?"

Lindsay thought for a moment before quietly saying, "I'm afraid I'll make things worse."

Danny shook his head, "No baby. You only make things better. Come on."

He led them over to his friend. Mac was silently sitting next to Don. Danny felt guilty at not being able to help more. He felt guilty that he was more concerned with his wife than with his friend. Danny loved Don. He would do anything for him. He thought of him as a brother but he couldn't help that his top priority was his family. He also couldn't help the guilt.

"Hey buddy," Danny said simply. Don turned towards them, the pain in his eyes evident. Danny felt a slight rush of air go past him as Lindsay threw her arms around Don. The surprise on Don's face would have been comical in any other situation. His surprise soon past though and he quickly wrapped his arms around Lindsay.

"I'm so sorry Don," Lindsay whispered into his ear. Don dropped his head into her shoulder and allowed a quiet sob to escape. Lindsay tightened her arms around him as a few tears of her own escaped. After a few moments Don lifted his head and looked at Danny over Lindsay's shoulder. A nod passed between them.

"Danny it's late," Don said as he released Lindsay, "Get your sweet wife home."

"Yeah," Danny replied as he gently pulled Lindsay to him, "I think I'll do that. Don if you need anything…" Danny trailed off.

"Yeah," was all Don said as the two men embraced briefly.

Wordlessly Danny and Lindsay left the bar and headed home. In the cab Danny attempted several times to make eye contact with his wife but Lindsay spent the ride staring out of the window. Danny wasn't going to push her here in a cab. He wanted to get her home—their home.

Wearily they made their way up the stairs. Their ears were immediately met with the cries of their daughter. Danny hurriedly unlocked the door and Lindsay pushed passed him.

"Oh, good your home," Danny's mom smiled at them, "Lucy loves her grandma but she is ready for Mom and Dad to be home." The cry infant seemed to scream a little louder as if in agreement.

"Thank you for taking care of her on such short notice," Lindsay said as she took her daughter in her arms, "Normally I wouldn't be at the lab this late but I just didn't feel like I could leave under the circumstances."

"Of course darling, don't ever apologize for allowing me to spend a little extra time with my granddaughter," she said with a smile then added, "I am sorry about your friend. Did you catch the guy who was responsible?"

Lindsay could only nod as she set about to feed Lucy.

"Yeah, we got 'em," Danny filled in for her.

"Well I will just let you two get settled for the night and let myself out," Danny's mom grabbed her purse and made to pass by Danny. He stopped her with a hand.

"Thanks again Ma. I can't tell you what it meant to know we didn't have to worry about who was taking care of Lucy today. I kept the cab waiting downstairs. I already paid him."

Mrs. Messer cupped her son's cheek—her son who had grown so much in the last year. She was proud of him and grateful for her new daughter-in-law. "You take care of that family of yours," she instructed. She kissed him on the cheek and then left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Selfish Pain**

**By: ioanhoratio**

**Spoilers: Up to Pay Up…CBS owns everything.**

**O.K. so this is why posting at 2:30 in the morning isn't always such a great idea. I actually posted the wrong story…it gets angsty—this is my first attempt at it— and I rewrote it about three times and wound up posting an unfinished one. LOL! However Laurzz inspired me to make this a multi-chapter story and the story below (The one I actually intended to post) kinda acts as a second chapter…although there are a few repeat lines…sorry) I'm still not sure how I feel about it and still quite a bit nervous. Any input would be greatly appreciated! As an aside I was listening to John Williams' **_**Across the Stars**_** as I tried to write this. If I could write words the way this man writes music I wouldn't have to worry so much about posting a story ;)**

**Thanks to MadameLupin, Iheartcsinewyork, wedlfan, Little Miss Messer, hot4cullenmen, static-disturbed, tottalymad, southerngurl1227, soswimmer13, paradiseblue, afrozenheart412, fatkat, laurzz, gwen24, CSI-babe1, pretty7, Elja…I think I got everyone. You guys make all the difference in the world!**

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Danny awoke suddenly; he listened intently for the now familiar crying coming from the baby monitored. There wasn't any. Danny blinked several times to clear the sleep from his mind and figure out what woke him up. He rolled over and realized he was alone in bed. He reached his arm out and felt the cool sheet. He had been alone for a while.

Danny heard the sound of water running. He glanced at the clock before he rolled out of bed. As he made his way quietly down the hallway he stole a quick glance into his daughter's room. She had broken out of her swaddle and had one arm raised up and resting next to her head. She was, however, still asleep and Danny wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize that. They normally left the door open but he went ahead and pulled it shut. He had a feeling things were going to get intense and he wanted to protect Lucy from that for as long as possible. He continued the search for his wife.

He found her in the kitchen. The lights were off but the room was lit enough from outside that he could see her. She was kneeling on the floor with a bowl of water and a rag.

"Lindsay," he whispered. He was afraid of startling her. She didn't seem to hear him. She just began scrubbing the floor.

"Lindsay baby," he tried again. She paused for a moment indicating she had heard him but she quickly began cleaning again.

"Lindsay it's 3 in the morning. Come on, what are you doin'?"

"I uh…I threw up," Lindsay said quietly.

"Whoa, Whoa, What?" Danny asked as he knelt down next to her, "What do you mean you threw up? Are you a'right? What's going on?"

He reached out and forced her to stop. She still refused to look at him.

"Hey, come on. Talk to me," he urged her as he turned her body towards him. Lindsay began to shrug his hands off her but he just tightened his grip. His eyes had adjusted to the limited light and he could see her face in the moonlight. He immediately recognized what he saw. He had seen it before.

"Lindsay honey, don't fight me. If you don't want to talk then just listen," he instructed. He watched as Lindsay battled herself until she finally relaxed. Danny let his hands drop down her arms and he took her small hands into his. They knelt across from each other on the kitchen floor. "I don't know exactly what is going on in that head of yours but I have a pretty good guess. I have seen that look on your face. It's the same look you had for months before you left for Montana to testify. You were trying so desperately to hide your feelings and emotions that you couldn't see that you were drownin' in 'em. I could see though. I could see it then and I can see it now. The only difference is you wouldn't let me help you then but you are going to let me help you now. I don't care if we have to sit here all night." Still Lindsay sat quiet. Danny leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. "Please Lindsay," he pleaded softly.

He heard her take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She freed her hands from his and brought her body flush against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her torso. He shifted them both so he was sitting down, leaning against the cabinets and she was in his lap.

"I'm not even sure where to start," she ventured. Her voice was scratchy and tired.

"Why don't you tell me what you were doing out here," Danny prompted.

"I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking," was all she said.

When Lindsay didn't continue Danny asked her, "What were you thinking about?"

"I want to tell you but I don't know if it will make any sense. I'm not sure it makes sense to me," she explained.

"Then it won't make sense. Who cares? The important part is that you talk. You are sitting in my lap in our kitchen floor. There is no place safer for you," Danny assured her.

Lindsay really thought about what he said. He was right. She never felt safer then when she was in his arms. She was embarrassed and scared but she wasn't going to hide from him anymore. She began to speak, "I guess it started when I walked into the diner today. I was talking to Mac when I saw the blood. It was the same as before. It was the same ugly linoleum, the same smell of cooked grease, and the same pool of blood. I wanted to run. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to know that another friend's life had bled out on the cold floor of a diner."

"But you stayed. You didn't run Lindsay," Danny pointed out.

"It was Jess. I couldn't turn my back on her. I couldn't be so selfish. I am trying so hard not to be selfish Danny. It is a terrible thing what happened to Jess and to Don. I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to you. I have been trying to not think about it all day. I have been trying to not think about that night so many years ago. I don't want to think about that man. I can't fight it though. I keep trying to push it down. This isn't about me. I don't want this to be about me but the more I fight how I am feeling the less able I am to deal with it. I don't want these images in my head any more. I don't want to keep reliving the murders of my friends. I was out here to try and get away from it. Every time I close my eyes I see the blood on the floor. I couldn't breath. I couldn't make it stop and…I threw up," Lindsay finished lamely.

"You are trying to shove alla that down? No wonder you threw up. Your body can't take alla that. You can't just turn this part of you off and on with a switch. These kinds of emotions that you are dealing with are more intense than most. And what do you mean 'this isn't about you?' Danny wanted to know.

"I mean, Jess dieing. She was my friend and colleague and I respected her but I don't want anyone to think I am trying to pull the attention to me. This is about her family and Don. I don't want…I just don't…I'm not trying to bring the attention to me," Lindsay explained embarrassed.

"You think I would think you were doing this to get attention?" Danny asked in disbelief.

"Danny I've been there. I have watched as people who knew nothing about my friends sob in grief and I have heard people whisper how I 'used' what happened to me to get special treatment. I have spent years hiding what happened to me because people react so differently I never know what to expect"

"Right Linds because hiding in our kitchen alone is the ideal setting for someone desperate for attention," Danny said—the sarcasm evident in his voice, "Besides, I would never think of you as anything other than brave. You have to stop feeling so guilty."

"Why?" Lindsay demanded angrily, "Jess is dead. Don is heartbroken. A father is missing his daughter and mother is grieving. I have an amazing husband and a beautiful daughter. What right do I have to be sitting here crying?"

"Because…" Danny hesitated. He wanted to say this right. He wanted to help her understand.

"Because? That's the best you got? Thanks Danny," Lindsay said rolling her eyes.

"Hey," Danny snapped, "I know you are in like nine kinds of pain right now and you don't even understand what is going on so if it makes you feel better to be a shit to me then go ahead. But I am tryin' to help. I don't know a whole lot about what I doing here but I am tryin'. I am here."

Silence filled the room. Lindsay dropped her head and fiddled with his wedding ring for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean…please go ahead."

Danny sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Look, first off, no one knows how to feel right now 'k? There isn't a right way to feel. Secondly, as much as you don't want to admit it, what happened to you is a part of who you are. It isn't something you can just say will never affect you again. You yourself told me it is the reason you became a CSI which led you to New York. Not to mention that you have been through a lot this past year. Being pregnant, getting' married, giving birth—there have been a lot of changes a lot of hormones. It would be hard enough to deal with a day like today under normal circumstances but then add alla that to the mix and a lesser person would be drunk by now."

Lindsay let out a dry chuckle, "Don't make me a hero. If it weren't for the fact that I am breastfeeding I would be downing as much alcohol as my body could handle."

Silence again reigned. Lindsay rested her head on Danny's shoulder and snuggled into his chest. She wanted to climb into him and hide.

"It is just so sad," she whispered.

"I know," Danny whispered back.

"I don't…I don't want to be broken anymore," she stuttered. She could feel the emotions rising and her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh Linds," Danny pulled her closer to him.

"I keep thinking I have this under control and then it suddenly overwhelms me. How am I supposed to live my life like that? Why can't I deal with this any better? I was going along fine Danny. I was feeling really happy; happier than I have been in years. Do you think that is why it is hitting me so hard? Because I haven't had to deal with these feelings in a while they are stronger than normal?" Lindsay implored.

"Maybe," Danny offered, "but whatever it is it doesn't mean you are broken. We just have to figure out how to get you to remember what happened without having to relive it. You aren't giving yourself enough credit Lindsay."

"I just want to stop feeling this way. I want to deal with lack of sleep, grocery lists, laundry, soccer and ballet schedules, homework and normal things. Not whether or not I can get through the next day. Right now I just want crawl into bed with you and never get up."

Danny heard his wife's plea for help, "Look, pain is selfish. It fights to stay with us. I want to help you and I will do everything I can. If this is beyond me do you want to talk about seeing someone?"

"You mean like a therapist or something?"

"Maybe. You mentioned that your parents took you to see one right after it happened. Did it help?"

Lindsay thought for a moment, "I don't think it did but I also didn't want it to. I wanted to feel the pain. I thought it's what I deserved for living while everyone else died but I think I am ready to let that go now. I don't have to live that way. I deserve to be happy..." Lindsay paused then added, "Maybe we could look at me getting help."

Danny kissed her on the head, "O.K. Maybe we could."

"Is that O.K.? Are you O.K. with that?" Lindsay hedged, "What if a doctor decides I am just crazy? Would you be alright with have a crazy wife?"

Danny chuckled, "I always figured you were crazy. After all you agreed to marry me. No sane woman would do that."

Lindsay smiled into his neck and pinched him in the side. "Seriously though?"

"Seriously? I want you to be happy. I love you so much Lindsay. It hurts me to see you in so much pain. We will figure this out. I ain't goin' anywhere," he assured her.

Any further conversation was stopped by the faint crying that arose. Lindsay gave Danny a soft kiss before she slowly stood. She looked down at Danny and smiled. He reached up and she pulled him to his feet.

"You go get her and I'll finish cleanin' up in here," he instructed.

Lindsay made to argue but Danny cut her off, "Go be with your daughter. She has this amazing ability to make everything seem alright."

Lindsay nodded and he swatted her on the booty as she walked out.

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"She go back to sleep a'right?" Danny asked as his wife climbed into bed.

"Yeah, I fed her and she nodded right off." Lindsay snuggled under the covers and rolled over into Danny. He wrapped his arms around her and yawned.

"Thank you," she said.

"Lindsay, you and I made a promise to always be there for each other. I am honored that I get to fulfill that promise to you. But I want you to add another promise."

"What's that?" she asked into his chest.

"No more sitting alone in the middle of the night. If you need space or quiet I understand just let me know. I will give you space but no more going at it alone 'k? Promise?

Lindsay heard the sincerity in his voice. She heard the love. She heard hope.

"I promise," she said simply.

"Good," Danny accepted, "Now let's get some sleep. We still have a long few days ahead of us and some more talkin' to do but right now just close your eyes and let me hold you."

"Goodnight Danny. I love you."

"'Nite Linds. I love you too, every crazy inch of you."

And they both smiled in the darkness.

Thanks for reading. I apologize for the grammatical errors and the before mentioned screw up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Selfish Pain Part 3**

**By: ioanhoratio**

**Spoilers: Season 5 (and a slight reference to my story "Time for Mothers" ;)**

**Special Thanks to: afrozenheart412, Colie04, Melissouza, Found Wonderer, Annabeth83, JavaJunkie4evr, wolfeylady, paradiseblue, gwen 24, southerngurl1227, FoxPhile, laurzz, tottalymad, and webdlfan. Thanks so much guys!**

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Lindsay jumped out of the shower, her moment of quiet contemplation gone with the tears of her newborn. Lindsay threw a towel around herself and ran into her bedroom. Lucy was lying in the middle of their bed and now wide awake screaming her lungs out.

Lindsay secured the towel with a knot and the picked up her red faced daughter.

"It's o.k. baby. You are just fine. There is no need for all of this fussing. Momma didn't go far," Lindsay softly spoke. The infant began to quiet but was still obviously quite displeased. Her pathetic whimpers were enough to send Lindsay into overdrive.

"O.K. munchkin. I know what you want. You don't have to go and break momma's heart with all that crying," Lindsay assured her. Lindsay sat on the bed and let the towel fall to her waist. Lucy immediately began rooting around for the source of her lunch. They had been doing this for the last 5 and half weeks. Lindsay felt like an old pro by this point. She loved nursing her daughter. At night it was a little exhausting but she and Danny had discussed all of their options and right now she felt good about her decision to breastfeed only right now. Lucy would be spending hours away from her in no time but right now Lindsay could hold her close and feel their connection grow stronger.

"You really are the most beautiful little thing," Lindsay said as she stroked her daughters chubby cheek, "Your daddy says it all the time and I get a little concerned that you are going to grow up vain but every time I want to say something about it I look at you and I see he is exactly right and I can't argue. So I guess we will have a beautiful vain daughter huh?"

The oblivious infant continued eating. Lindsay shifted down a little and snuggled back more comfortably into the pillows on the bed.

"I have a new dress for you. It is white and fluffy with little pink flowers. I had to get mommy a new outfit today and picked you up a nice dress too," Lindsay explained, "We have to go to a funeral today. I still can't quite fit into my old clothes and I don't have any black maternity clothes that would be appropriate so that is why you and I took a trip this morning."

Lucy had finished eating and Lindsay expertly burped her. Lucy was now content to lie in her mother's arms and stare at her. Lindsay kissed her baby on the head, the eyes, the nose, the cheeks and the lips. She loved kissing her baby.

"Lucy I hope one day you truly understand what you mean to your father and me. The love you brought into our lives. You are so little but already so big…" Lindsay paused and thought for a moment, "I wish I could tell you that I will always be there to protect you from the world but I can't and it is really hard for mommy to deal with that. I had really good parents. You already met your grandma and she loves you to bits. Grandpa is going to spoil you rotten when we go to visit them in Montana. They were great parents. Daddy even gave me a buck knife and taught me how to use it. He said it was to use against the boys. My daddy liked the idea of his little girl dating about as much as yours does," Lindsay giggled then sobered, "I knew everyday that they loved me and they made many sacrifices to make my life easier."

Lindsay absently rubbed a finger up and down Lucy's belly. She looked for a moment from her daughter and into a daydream of her past. She could see the happiness from her childhood. She could see the beauty that had surrounded her though out her life. She could feel the love that had been her constant companion since before she could remember. She could also see the darkness that never lay far beneath the surface of her memories.

"But even with everything they did it wasn't enough to keep the hard things out of my life. Mommy saw a bad thing and it is difficult to deal with. I never want you to be in that kind of pain but I don't know how to protect you from it. I don't…and that scares me. My parents didn't do anything wrong and look what happened," Lindsay allowed a small chuckle, "You know I have never really stopped to think about what they went through. I can't imagine what I would do if something like that happened to you…I want so badly to be a good mommy Lucy," Lindsay declared. Lucy let out a soft coo and a high pitched aah.

Lindsay smiled and asked her daughter "Is that right?" Lucy again let out a tiny baby sound "Well tell me all about it Lucy." Lindsay let out a soft laugh as her daughter quickly lost interest and moved her attention to her thumb.

"You are absolutely adorable but a terrible conversationalist," Lindsay concluded.

Lindsay dropped her head and said quietly, "I don't want to go to the funeral."

"Well, that is not true. I want to go because I loved Jess. But mommy doesn't do well at funerals," Lindsay confessed, "I am sad that you will not remember her. You got to meet her a few times. She would come over with Uncle Don. She held you and you slept in her arms but now you will never truly get to know her. That makes me very sad."

Lindsay looked down at Lucy and saw her eyelids begin to droop. Lindsay shimmied down further onto the bed and snagged a sheet. She pulled it up over her and her daughter and they snuggled on the pillow.

Lindsay's voice grew quieter almost to a whisper, "I am supposed to be getting us ready to go. I think I want to hide with you a little while longer instead. You can go to sleep little one. I feel like there is so little I can truly do for you but I know that right now I can promise that you are safe. Momma won't let anything happen to you while you are here with me. There are things that still keep me from being the best mommy I can be but I promise you Lucy I am going to do everything I can to fix that. Daddy and I are going to help each other get to a better place. Daddy says that we have to think of it like an airplane. 'If the planes goin' down then ya gotta get _your_ mask on first or you're no good to anybody,' Lindsay finished with her best Danny impression. It was of course wasted on the now sleeping child.

"Your daddy says some pretty smart things sometimes…he also says some pretty dumb things so I guess it all just evens out. Either way you are pretty lucky to have him—I still don't want to go to the funeral. I think I will just stay here with you. We can cocoon ourselves in this blanket. We can leave all the scary stuff outside."

Lindsay allowed her tired eyes to close but she continued to speak to her daughter.

"I worry about what I am going to tell you about what happened to me and all of my friends. How am I going to tell you about the evil that people can do to one another? I don't want to tell you but I know I am going to have to someday. It is important to me that I let you get to know me and be honest with you. I am going to try and figure all of this out. It is just really scary right now. Aren't moms supposed to be all knowing and all powerful? I really don't want to let you down Lucy. I love you so much…"

Lindsay trailed off. She was going to spend a few more quiet moments with Lucy and then get up a get dressed. Just a few more moments…

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"Linds," Danny whispered, "Hey babe. You gonna wake up?" His wife cracked open one eye. She stared at him in confusion for a moment then quickly oriented herself.

"Oh crap!" she exclaimed as she flew into sitting position, "I fell asleep."

"That's a'right Montana. As long as you are always dressed like that when I get home you can be doing whatever you want," Danny assured her with a wolfish grin.

Lindsay realized she was still quite naked and the abrupt movement had caused the sheet and towel to shift. She rolled her eyes at her husband, checked to make sure she hadn't disturbed Lucy, then attempted to untangle herself from the bed clothes.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"We have about an hour before we got to get there."

"I have to blow dry my hair. I know you have to shower but just give me 15 minutes," Lindsay threw over her shoulder as she ran passed him. Danny shot an arm out and stopped his wife.

"You know I do like you naked," Danny growled at her.

"Danny! We are going to be late. If you don't let me go now then I am going to wind up talking myself out of going all together," Lindsay scolded. Danny sighed and let her go. He was going to play it safe today. Instead he turned and looked at his tiny daughter still snoozing on the bed.

He crawled over to her and gently laid a hand on her belly. He loved to feel her breathing and to feel her heartbeat under his finger tips. Danny could also feel some of the tension of the day leave his body. Since Lindsay had put in so many hours in the lab the day before because of Jess, Mac had told her to stay home yesterday and today. Danny missed seeing her but he agreed with his boss. He didn't think the lab was the best place for her right now. They were all too busy and nobody at the lab was working at 100%. They were all still reeling from the events of the last 48 hours.

"Hey kiddo why don't we help mommy out and I get you dressed," he said to his daughter. She was still at the stage where it took quite a bit to wake her up so he easily lifted her up and carried her to the nursery, "and if I know your mom she has already set out your clothes."

"Boom," said triumphantly as he saw the dress laid out on her changing table. This was his Lindsay; she was organized and efficient, she had grocery lists and a laundry schedule—the fact that he had found her asleep and still in a towel had concerned him. Lindsay was usually ready an hour before she had to be any where. Danny didn't want to blow anything out of proportion but he was going to keep paying attention. He wasn't going to let things unravel like it had to them in the past.

"A'right beautiful let's wow your mom," Danny said as he placed the sleeping infant on the changing table and changed her diaper. His daughter whimpered once but remained asleep. "You know what? I think you are just too little," Danny teased her, "I'm thinkin' those little toes of yours are just too tiny. Yep, I should probably take ya back and get a better model. One that isn't so small." He smiled to himself. Who was he kidding? There was nothing more perfect to him than his little girl.

Danny grabbed the little dress and inspected it. Then he saw the bloomers and the tights.

"Oh crap," he said to no one in particular. A dress he could do but he was a little uncertain about the rest. Did he put the tights over the bloomers or under? And how do you get tights onto an infant? Danny had never put tights on anything. Wait, wasn't there supposed to be a onesie some where in there as well?

"Well baby girl here goes. Daddy is sorry for anything he screws up and mommy has to fix."

He began to dress Lucy.

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"Danny I'm done. The bathroo…" Lindsay stopped mid-sentence. Her sexy, masculine husband was standing over their daughter with a perplexed look on his face as he help up a pair of tiny white tights. He was turning them backwards and forwards trying to figure out which way they went on.

"How am I supposed to work with these things? Don't they come with instructions?" He asked her frustrated.

Lindsay wasn't going to laugh. He was trying so hard. She swallowed down a giggle and walked over to him.

She took the tights from him and did a quick check to make sure Lucy was wearing everything properly. 'Eh? Close enough,' she thought. She showed Danny how the tights went and then slipped them on to Lucy.

"Daddy got you dressed all by himself," Lindsay cooed to her daughter.

Danny couldn't help the satisfied grin that came to his face but he tried to cover it by saying, "It's ain't rocket science Montana. I am a trained CSI. I think I can dress my own kid."

Lindsay wasn't going to mention that the bloomers were on backwards. Instead she just smiled and told him to hurry up and get ready.

About 20 minutes later the Messer family was making its way out into the city. Danny held Lucy's baby carrier in one hand and held Lindsay's hand in the other.

"You won't let go 'til I tell you it's o.k. right?" Lindsay asked him.

"As long as you promise not to let go of mine," he challenged.

"I hate funerals," Lindsay told him suddenly. No one liked funerals but he knew what she was telling him. This was going to be a hard day.

"I know," he said, "but you aren't alone."

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Next up: The funeral…

Thanks for reading!!!


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